My Stillbirth Story (Late Abortion-36 weeks pregnancy) : Part 3 (I miss you my little one)

The day after we lay our sweet little one to rest. I feel so lost. I don’t know what to do, where to start the day, what to think of and it feels everything is shattered. I don’t feel like getting up to even care for myself as I need to prep for my stitches of delivery. The physical pain with emotional pain is more than any person can imagine.

My husband skipped work for that week. He’s scared of leaving me alone in the house. I noticed his strength int his situation. For that long week, I didn’t even bother to ask him how he feels. Everyday as soon as my eyes open, in between the day and before sleeping, I would cry hard and look for my baby.I don’t have any appetite to eat and so I never prepared for his food as well, but he understands. I was so depressed, I started to look so pale and thin and remember one time while I was preparing a coffee for myself, one of my flatmate told me to eat more.

I miss her rolling around my belly, her kicks and all of her movements. Sometimes I feel like she’s still there, then I’ll realize that it’s all my imagination. There is one night when I couldn’t sleep, I cried and asked her to at least visit me and let me feel her warmth. I remember myself crying till I slept and that morning, I knew that I’m awake but couldn’t open my eyes. I felt his warm kiss in my cheek. It’s so fast that just when I opened my eyes, I looked for her and she’s not there anymore, but the feeling was wonderful. I felt so relieved and loved. I doesn’t matter if it was only my imagination or it is real. I just know that she loves me as we loved her.

Till this day I still cry every now and then whenever I miss her. Well, I will keep missing her even though I know she’s always beside me. I will keep missing her memories that we had. I will keep the happiness she brought us.